Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
