Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
