my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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