Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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