Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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