Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
