I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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