then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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