your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
