she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
