def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
