Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
