If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
