just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize