Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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