I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
