it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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