I smell stomach acid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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