Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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