She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
