Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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