no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
