if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
