do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
