You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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