3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
