my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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