"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
