How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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