: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
