Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
