so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i love accidental penises.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
