I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
