is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
