I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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