i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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