Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You made out with two different species that night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
