the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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