if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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