the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
