Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
