her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
