): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i think i just lost a toe
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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