I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
