Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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