Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
