I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
