I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
