So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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