All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
