i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
