Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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