We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
