the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
