you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
