If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
