just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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