i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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