I just pynch a tree in the face
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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