the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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