i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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