I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
