mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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