I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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