Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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