I am puke
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
