Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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