Me too!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize