Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
