He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
