She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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