Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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