Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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