I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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