okay pat passed out under dana's car
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
